10 reasons why I can't complain

Well, my mother is gone back to Germany.  My son finished school. It got me thinking about how lately I have been a bundle of worry and anxiety.  I would think what will I do with my kids this summer?! Markus's birthday is coming up, will it be a good birthday, even though we are just going camping with the family?! My mother has spent more time with my sister than me?! Will this summer be as good as last?! I have one more year before Sonja starts kindergarten, what will i do for work and when do I look for work and what work will i look for?! Oh my god, I will be 37 this year!!!!!

Anyway, today is officially the first day of summer vacation.  My kids are upstairs on starfall and playing.  We had breakfast together and later we will go to the library and see what programs are available and then to the supercenter to buy some groceries.  As I was getting out of the shower with this list of things to do in my mind, I felt calm and happy.  I can't complain.  I have it good.  So, I am not working, but I am with my children, one school age and one who has a year to go yet.  Markus's birthday will be okay, he really just cares about cake and camping and his cousin will be there.  So, I thought since my last few posts were kind of on the down side.  I would write a list of why I have it good and how lucky I feel:

1. I have one more year to spend time with Markus and Sonja.  In that time, I will do crafts with them, reading exercises, programs at the leisure centre, sports centre and swimming lessons and gymnastics.  These are all things I can look forward to and know I have the time to drive them around and get them involved in the community or at least to attend certain programs.

2. My husband Tom does not pressure me and on some level he is happy that I am at home.  He has said I make his life easier with me here for the kids and he doesn't have to worry and I don't have to worry about the well being of our children.  They are fine.  Tom is working and he likes his job. We are able to go somewhere every week end and spend quality time together as a family.  These moments are fleeting and it will change, but we are lucky that we have them at all and we can cherish them now, while the kids are young and there is time.  But, time will run out and at least we can look back one day and say. Man, this was worth it!

3. I live in an area with parks and splash pads are plentiful.  There is a lot to do that is free for the kids. There is a lot of activities, a lot of conservation areas.  It is a great place to keep fit and healthy.

4. I took Markus to see the inside out movie.  It was just the two of us.  We both loved the movie and we had a great time.  I was thankful to spend this time with him where he still wants me around and says that he loves me.  We really loved the movie.  He still talks about it.

5.  Sonja and Markus are both getting bigger, they can entertain themselves now.  They play wonderfully together.  I have time to write this post and I do have more time now to myself.  They are not the type of kids that fight with each other and they have a good relationship.  I hope it continues throughout life.

6, The basement is finished.  Things are starting to get done around the house.  With the help of Tom's dad, together they are building a purgala to provide shade in the back yard.  I am seeing improvements in the garden and the kids can sit and watch a movie in the basement comfortably. I am starting to like this home and the amount of work we have put into making it a happy home.

7. I am thankful that we have the money to travel and that we were in Jamaica, Boston, Germany (with just Markus, Sonja did not exist yet) and Vancouver (again just Markus), Myrtle Beach, Washington, Pinehurst camp grounds (Sonja will not remember any of this, but she will have the pictures).  We plan on going to Vermont this summer with friends that I have known since high school.  If our kids do not get along, at least Markus and Sonja will have their cousins there by their sides.

8. I am grateful that we do have social media and I can keep in contact with family and friends that are far away and I could try to reach out even more.  If I do have a dark day, I can go to social media and learn that I am not alone and others may feel the same way I do about friendship and motherhood.  So, I am grateful for websites such as circle of moms, miltonmoms, the friendship blog with Irene, netmoms and many more.

9. Colour.  I look around my place and it is filled with bright colours such as oranges and blues and yellows and bayish, purple's and greens's.  Art work and crafts that I do and from my kids fill the walls, I keep all of it in a shoe box at the top of the shelve and one day, I will go through it with my grown kids and they will remember.  I will keep everything and turn it into pieces of beautiful art that will one day fill their homes.

10. Finally, I do feel happy for everyone I have known, past and present.  Some people caused me pain but they still helped shape me in some form.  Some people, I may have caused pain and I wish I could take it back, but I did not know any better and my intentions were never to hurt.  As I get older, I will not repeat the same mistakes and I will learn from them and I am sorry to whomever I caused pain, but it helped shape me and forced me to see.  I will never forget my past friendships that are no more and have long withered away as time goes on.  It is to these people I have learned and found meaning in my path and why I am here.  I am glad for having known each and everyone that I no longer speak with, but I still think about.  I am forever grateful that each one was with me in my life during a time that I needed him/her the most. Now, in my mind, I set these people free and know that at a time, the friendship was valuable and good and enriched me somehow.  Now, it may be gone, but I look forward and welcome who may enter into the next phase of my life.  I welcome it more so now than ever before with open and welcoming arms.

Healing from a Narcissistic Mother

I have felt guilty and did not know why.  I have felt "not good enough" as a mother, employee, person and I could not understand why.  I have had my insecurities as young as I can remember and I thought I was always to blame. I did not feel worthy of love.  Therefore, as a teenager and young adult I would seek it elsewhere.  When I was 13, my mother let a boy who was 16 and kicked out of his home live with us.  She always wanted to look like a do gooder in front of others.  She wanted to be the "cool" mom of the neighbourhood.  The kind of mom who helps others out.  Well, in that time that he lived with us, he made advances at me and I admit, one night I snuck downstairs and he took my virginity.  Do I regret it years later? yes.  Now, that I have a daughter, I want' to prevent that from happening to my family.  I will worry about the feelings of my husband and children but what others think of me does not matter.  It took me a long time to realize this.  I still struggle today because growing up, I often heard "no one else does that" or "what would others think".  If I cried I was looked at as the problem and was ignored.  My twin sister on the other hand was dotted upon, she could do no wrong.  Her accomplishments were rewarded and mine were diminished.  But, if I failed at something, I seemed to get more attention.  It almost confirmed my mother's feelings that I was a failure and her tone would change.  I sometimes felt that she enjoyed it when I failed or was sad.  I was the Scapegoat and my sister the Golden child.  I realized this today.

Last night, something did not feel right to me and this morning it was confirmed, when my mother called me at 7pm and implied to my husband that she had tried to call me all day.  Then, with me on the phone, she told me to call her during the day and that she was free.  Then she talked to my daughter and told me out of all her grandchildren, she likes my daughter the most.  Yesterday, she called once and that was 2 minutes before she called my husband's phone.  Anyway, today, I called her and she told me that I woke the baby (she is taking care of my sister's child).  Then, she let me go because she had no time to talk.  This evening, I called my sister and they were going to Costco, without our mother, she was tired.  But, she said she would like to go.  So, I said, we could go this week end.  Without answering me, she said I could go during the week with Yoshe (sister).  It doesn't have to me this week end.  Then, she let me go, she was too tired.  She did not consider my feelings and that I may like to go and it would give us plans this week end.  She dismissed me and went straight to Yoshe.

I did a lot of research today on Narcissism and I was raised by a narcissist.

I began to grief the loss I feel.  My relationship is not what I thought.  She blamed me and made sure I took the blame and denied any feelings I had.  She was able to criticize but the moment I criticize her or tell her genuine feelings, she can not handle it and will end the conversation.  This is typical behaviour of a narcissist.  I began to cry.  I am 36 and I don't know who I am.  But, I do feel relief that I now understand the emotional abuse I went through and the reasons I always felt guilty.  On the outside to others, she looked like a wonderful mother, who just happened to have a "bad seed" daughter.  Well, I will not confront her.  She lives in Germany, so there is no point.  I am glad she does.  But, in my mind today, there was a death of the relationship I thought I had with her and now know that it was not real, it was insincere and dishonest.  I have to heal on my own and on my terms.  Do I seek therapy?  I don't know.

Here are a few links to the websites I viewed today and the characteristics of a narcissistic mother, which my mother exhibits nearly everyone.  She is sensitive...to her feelings but not to mine. That is one characteristic.  So here you go:

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/adult-children-of-Narcissistic-parents-resources/
http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_parent
http://echorecovery.blogspot.ca/2013/08/healing-from-narcissistic-mother.html


I write for myself.  Myself to heal.  I hope this helps.

My mother and I

My mom is visiting from Germany.  She is staying with my twin to help her take care of her kids, walk her son to and from school and take care of the baby.  That sort of thing while my sister and her husband work.  She stays with them during the week and sees me on weekends.  She is only here for a month.  This week end she was with me.  We fought.  We can't seem to get along.  Sometimes, I made our relationship look great to others, but the reality is that I had problems with her since I can remember and it just gets worse as I got older.  It makes me sad.  I try to analyze why? why? I have looked up on google "Narcissistic moms".  Yet, she does not have all the characteristics of a narcissist.  Then, I wonder if I am one.  I, as well do not have all the characteristics, but to an extent, we all hold a few.  I do think that, I did have an expectation this week end and when it did not go as planned, I felt disappointed. Here is a run down of the troubles that we encountered this week end:

1. She convinced me to buy a hair colour that was not really the one I wanted.  When I told her the one I did want, she snapped "oh c'mon! that would not look good at all!"  So, when we died my hair, there was no difference.  I died it my natural colour and it may have covered the one or two grey hairs that I did have.
2. I asked her if she wanted to see dad's grave this weekend.  She told me she would call a friend, because a friend of hers had asked her to see dad's grave.  So, I planned that we go to Tom's folks, then we go to her friends and then to dad's grave.  As we were in the car driving, she told us that she did not phone her friend.  When I asked why.  Her tone became angry right away "When have I had time?!" 
3. Then, for Sunday, I wanted to take her to a place where we can walk, have a picnic, check out the falls and then after that go to Starsky's and have a wine and cheese and buy cutlets for dinner.  But, she invited my in laws over to work on the deck, gardening for early afternoon.  I had also invited a friend of my son's, but if we had to go earlier now, the friend would not go as it would be to early for them.  So, I told my mom that I have to text my friend.  My mom said "I don't even want to go with them" and I told her that I was more or less doing it for my son, just like I am have my in laws over for my mother.  My mom lost it, she was so angry with me.  My husband said that he could call and cancel and my mother yelled "Don't you dare! if you do, I will not come to visit you anymore! EVER!" So, I said no, I just wish you would have asked if it was okay before making plans with them.  It turned out well, but all through out the walk, she was upset.  She walked slowly.  She would not look at me.  She talked to my husband. But, I was always keeping them aware of the timing.
4. We have different memories of my childhood.  She remembers my twin being the one in special ed and they had to fight for her to do better in school.  She did well in school inspite of the school system, not because of it.  I remember being in special ed as well and for the same length of time that twin was.  I remember dropping out of math and my mother was sleeping and did not bat an eye lash, yet she says she was angry and did not like it.  Either way, she invalidates my feelings and I can not even tell my husband or kids of my childhood because my memories according to my mother never happened.  It is very confusing.
5. She was comparing my son to my daughter and talked about how much she loved my daughter, right in front of my son. My son did not even give her a hug good bye.  But, my mom did not come to me to give me a hug either

The worst part is, that I know she may feel sad but, she would still feel that I had wronged her.  I could have softened my tone, that is true.  I felt mean with her as well.  I felt there were some things that I could have let go.  She told me I was like her mother.  But, I know how much she hates her mother. I know she thinks I am an awful daughter who keeps wronging her.  I try to think about how it got so bad and my husband said that somewhere along the lines in my childhood, things happened, but she is also responsible for the relationship she has with me.  It is what it is.  It takes two people to have a relationship and it is never just one sided.  So, when a relationship goes awry, it is never just one person.  Especially in a mother/daughter relationship.  Therefore, since she came first, she had a hand in how she chose this relationship to go.  

She has a good one with my twin sister.  I wonder why it is so different.  Perhaps, my sister tried to please her more, listened more, was easier to handle.  All of these things, which she has told me. 

I cried last night.  It has been a bad week.  The weather has not helped much either.  I cried because I worry that my relationship with my kids may be like it is with my mother.  I want a good relationship with them.  I love them more then anything.  I would like to think that if they got annoyed with me or irritated that I would not jump on them for the tone they used.  I would like to think that I would be stronger than that and understand that no matter what my children say and do and at any age, they need my love, not my anger, resentment or hate, but they need my love, respect and to know that they can do what ever they want and I will always go to hug them and love them more than ever.  I think my dad understood that.  I was awful to him.  I wish I could take it all back and say I am sorry and that I miss him and that I love him and that I know he did the best he could with what he had at the time.  But, no matter how I treated him, he did not make me feel bad or guilty.  He just loved me.  I hope I will do the same for my children.  That is the strength that it takes as a parent.

Depression

Am I depressed?  I have homework to do, but instead I am searching the web to find the answers as to why I feel this way.  I feel angry with my husband.  I feel he does not care about me and that he could turn on me in a moment.  We were up fighting last night.  It all started because after the kids went to bed, I wanted to let him know how I felt about the IKEA thing.  I wanted to spend time with him, just to get away.  I was angry that it felt as if though he did not feel the same.

At the same time, I felt apprehensive about leaving the kids with my mother and sister as I do not trust them.  My mother is narcissistic. I may be a bit as well.  I may have inherited that quality.  I don't know.  But, I do know, that I do not like my mother very much.  My mistake was in telling her about my argument with my husband last night.  She tells me the problem is me and that since I am at home I have to be a better housewife.  She compares my husband to my brother in law and that my brother in law will never make as much money as my husband.  That is when I got mad, because I don't want to compare husbands.  I fight with my husband every time my mother visits from Germany.  Every time, I get anxiety.  I feel my husband does not understand that, or maybe he does and he sees an opportunity to use my anxiety against me and makes me feel that he is on my mother's side.  Perhaps, I married a narcissistic person because I was raised by one.

I think for the first time in my life, I contemplated suicide.  I looked up websites about when people make that final decision and how they come to that decision.  I thought about it seriously and then how do people do it? what about when children are involved.  Are the children the only ones that love me?  Then I think are my feelings even "real?" My husband tried to tell me that I am crazy and should be handled like a mental person.  That comment made me crazy!

Here is what I know:

• Rejection
• hopelessness
• pain
• lost
• isolated
• numb
• exhausted
• lonely
• i don't matter and that my feelings may not even be "real" but they seem "real" but maybe they are not and I am crazy.
• feeling of wanting to give up, helplessness
• Anger, lots of it.

What should I do? Where do I go? 

Part 2: 10 reasons that stay at home moms are not allowed to complain.

Here are the reasons, I have come to realize why I am not allowed to complain, especially to my own family.

1. People assume that if you stay home, you chose to stay at home and quit a high paying job to do so.  But, if you stay home, it is because hubby makes enough so you don't have to and that is pretty great to be thought of as financially well off.  However, it is not always a choice.  In my circumstance, I will break it down:

• Lack of family support
• Only a little money would go into my account after daycare was paid, it was not worth it to be away from my kids for at the end of a pay cheque, I only get $30.00 a day out of it or less.
• I never had a high paying job to begin with and I did not have a lot of working experience, therefore, i did not have a high skill set, so all I was equipped for was retail, secretarial etc
• We made sacrifices, hubby and I don't spend time together, we don't do romantic getaways, we don't go on a lot of vacations, maybe for a week once every two years.  Instead we may do day outings with play places for the kids, nature walks, get memberships to conservation areas. We may do a dinner with the two of us once every 7 or 8 months, where the kids go to the grandparents for a sleep over.  Hubby does all home renovations and improvements himself and with his dad.

2. I should be happy because there is no greater joy then being with your kids and they grow so fast.  These will be rewarding years for them.  Well, it is true.  I feel lucky, I can watch my children grow and I know it is fleeting, which is why I love it when they choose to come into my bed at night and sleep with me.  It won't be forever! However, I sometimes feel I need a break.  I am always with my kids.  I think they need a break from me! I feel lonely and isolated a lot.  I can not talk to my mom or sister...well...because of the reasons I am writing this list.  My mom felt she always had to work because my dad was not a fix it guy and he had a disability preventing him from doing a lot of higher paying jobs, but he was intelligent and university educated which my mother is not. My mother always struggled to raise us financially with the little they had and I do not struggle financially the same way.  Yes, I am lucky! but, I am lonely, irritable, frustrated and feel isolated and like I bother hubby because I want to talk to him about ANYTHING really, I just want someone to talk back instead of ME being the only one talking at people and my children are wonderful but are still too young for conversations surrounding politics, hypotheticals and science.

3. Again, I should feel happy because my husband takes care of us and works for this family to survive.  Well, how would you like it if every time you were in a fight, he would throw it in your face that he makes the money.  He doesn't actually say that, but yesterday over the shelves he said he was not taking me to IKEA, even though for me it meant that we could have time with just each other while my mom and sister watched the kids.  He decided he did not want to go!  He buys a bunch of crap online without asking because it is his money, but he will notice if I overspend on something.  When in a fight, he threatens divorce and says that he doesn't see any motivation in me and does not think I can do anything, that I need him but he doesn't need me.  He says this knowing that I only have my mother and sister and both of them would be on his side because they like him more than my brother in law because of the money he makes and the way he is able to provide for this family.  He knows that if I do complain, my mother will give me a lecture on how to be a good housewife so that does not happen like she did yesterday.

How would you like if you told your husband your insecurities, fears, and frustrations about your abilities, your resentment towards your own family, your most inner feelings and then he would expose them to your own family, to make you lose it and then you come out looking crazy?! You can't trust your husband with your heart because he will use it against you in a fight, yet when kids come home, I am forced to smile and not put them through that.  My kids will never know my loneliness.  What about when hubbies parents come over and start gardening and working and I am left alone to entertain kids again on week ends, when that is all I do during the week as well.  Then, he condescends me in front of parents and he knows I will not say anything because then I will make things awkward. 

• No romantic connection
• Husband who is a bully but is able to fix house, financially responsible, ability to communicate effectively and looks very good in the eyes of others
• No sympathy or support from old fashioned mom and sister
• No support or concern for my interests and help in trying to make me a better person (that will have to wait until both kids are in school and I can work on it on my own).

4.  I should be happy because I am in the safety of my home and I do not have to deal with the politics and bullying in many workplaces. However, what people do not realize is that the longer you are at home without support or concern from others, the more isolated I become (not everyone is this way).  So, you tend to lose your communication skills.  It is hard to explain things accurately and effectively and you are not as articulate as you once were.  I may know that I am angry, frustrated, husband has been a bully and neglected me yet again.  But, it is hard for me to describe or articulate to someone else even a professional on what happened and why I am feeling this way.  I may have been manipulated by husband because he took thoughts and feelings I revealed to him and used them against me or put them in another context.  Also, the embarrassment I feel because on the outside to others we look good, a good looking family.  So, how do I articulate what as happened in a fight other than a bunch of words were said, but I don't know what they were.  He will always come out the winner based on my confusion of the events because of the words I had once said and switched and turned around and put into a context that he came up with.

5. I shouldn't complain because other people have it worse.  Yes, I know! I was not really trying to compare, but....ahhhh....never mind.....I just feel sad okay!

6. I shouldn't complain because I have beautiful children that need me.  That is true, my children are beautiful, when they are sleeping, when they are in good moods, when I am in a good mood, when they are invited to birthday parties, when they feel a part of a group, when  the sun is shinning.  But, not, when they are screaming because I gave them vanilla cake instead of chocolate, when I was a second late at the bus stop, when I won't let my son have video games and when they JUST DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BED!

7. I shouldn't complain because I get to work on my parenting and I have a lot of time such as writing this blog.  This is true.  Except for when I am cleaning, when they are crying and I have a pounding headache, when they are telling me I am a bad mommy.  Mothers in general need a lot of self control when dealing with a 6 yr old temper tantrum. I have to cook, cleaning never ends and I do not get a thank you, nor do I ever get flowers and nor will my husband ever give me a compliment telling me I am beautiful or a good mother or my food.  My husband has the personality type where criticism's come easier to him and he notices more what is wrong with you than what is right!  So, what am I doing all this for, I am doing it for a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old but no one really cares!

Parents judge you more because they think if you are at home, you should somehow be a better mom because you have the time.  I may have more time, but I also have more frustrations, less communication skills and the skills are dying, I feel robotic and I should be programmed to love this and be thankful, I lose sense of self identity and I have to fight away self hatred on a daily basis! Then I have to still ask in the most loving way "How was school today? Anything exciting? Tell me one good thing and one bad thing!"

8. I have lots of time to work on the things I love.  This is tied into 8.  I can but I have lost sight of what that is and every week end we have my husbands parents over and they take over with gardening, with everything, making me feel in the way, because they are so quick with everything that I don't have a chance to be alone with hubby, bounce ideas off of him, when I do something such as a craft, no one notices it is there and I get "why are you doing this".  It is useless and I feel useless and he and his parents speak Polish to one another.  They ask me where they should put this and that and make me feel like I have some say when In reality I do not.  I do not even have my name on this house, because my husband told me when we bought this house that it looks bad if I sign because I am a stay at home mom.  Mean while I learned later, that lots of stay at home moms have their name listed on the house as well.  I sometimes secretly think hubby planned it that way.

9. I have a nice home, I own a lot of things that makes it a nice living environment if I am going to be home anyway.  I made it as nice as it is and no one cares.  I do not have a lot of friends that come over.  I feel that most people are strangers and I treat them as such but I am always polite.  I am very shy.  I am very anxious. I like my home and yes, I do feel lucky that I created this space and I did it for my kids and for the possibility of selling so, I can get out of this rural place.

10.  You shouldn't complain, because I would love to have what you have.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  I am sure you experience bullying at work and politics, my sister is experiencing that right now from her principal.  But, I would not tell you you don't have a right to complain because you are lucky to have a job.  I deal with bullying at home as well and house politics (yes this is also because of who I married). Here is a fact: I am lucky I don't have to RUSH back to work and that I get to experience my children. Another fact: I feel under appreciated, no skill set, lack of family support and communication skills, lack of uninterrupted time do get a resume or studying done.  During, writing this post I have been interrupted over 10 times and I started it at 8 this morning and now it is almost 11am. Another fact: I wish my marriage was different, I wish my husband was different but I still love him, can't turn it off, I just want him to love me the same as I love him, but he would rather be alone than with me.  I feel neglected and, Another fact: YES, THIS ENTIRE LIST IS A COMPLAINT.  I am NOT really SORRY!

Why stay at home moms are not able to complain Part 1

 My mother is over from Germany.  She is right now staying with my sister and helping her look after her kids for the rest of the school year.  She was over at my place for the week end, along with my sister and her kids.  Her husband was working.  With it being a grey and rainy day, all day, we stayed it and the kids played downstairs.  My husband and I were going to go out to IKEA and get some shelves for the newly finished basement.  But, my husband and I could not agree and so my husband threw his hands in the air and said "you can go without me!".  I am a nervous driver, so to go to another city by myself on the highway in high traffic was not an option and he knew that.  So, basically, it meant we were not going.  After that, the kids playing off of our emotions got excited, so I got them dressed and took them to a cafe to play in the play area and get some sugar, while I had my well deserved coffee.

My mother and sister chose sides between my husband and I and they were on hubbies side because: I am LUCKY to stay home and have what I have.  I stopped arguing, even though my mom told me how awful I look with my head band on and I could make myself look prettier, even though I was just staying home.  I kept my cool, when hubby would not walk the dog with me, although we never spent time alone.  I kept my cool, when my mother sat me down and told me how I have a role in this house, even though I am not getting paid for it, essentially how to be a good housewife so hubby doesn't leave me.  I kept my cool, when hubby escaped downstairs to watch t.v with the kids, when I found him and asked what he was doing, he was on his phone texting someone and he got very angry with me for even asking, when I wanted him to be a part of dinner prep etc and maybe defend me against my mother and twin.  My twin, a teacher who thinks I am super lucky to stay home and she does not have it as good because her husband doesn't make as much money as mine.  So, I am very angry right now.  I asked hubby to put kids to bed so I could study.  A moment later, I heard yelling and I ran upstairs and kids were angry and riled up because my hubby can be a bit of a bully if not listened to, but children are children and are not always programmed to listen. So, I put one to bed and he put the other to bed, in which he fell asleep.  I went to bed feeling, sad, alone and neglected. I woke at 3am, and started listening to TED talks on infidelity and commenting on other people's posts.  Yes! I think of cheating and I know that as long as I did not tell hubby, it may be good for our marriage because he would get time alone, my needs would be met and the kids would always be with both dad and mom and we would get along when we get along and I would not ask him to be my emotional crutch for sex, validation, pillow talk.  But, he would be one I talk to about politics, computers and he gets the superficial life he desires, marriage, kids, he works on the house and does home improvements, gets a companion for things he likes and when he is sick, I will take care of him.  For everything I need, I have someone I can go out with once in a while.  It is just a fantasy.  I have not found that person and I am not sure if I ever will.  But, I do not think infidelity is the worst thing in a marriage.  Neglect and isolation is.

I have come to realize and wonder if other stay at home moms feel the same, that stay at home moms are not allowed to complain.