In One Year from now.....

In a year, I will have completed the Early Childhood Education program at Sheridan College.  I will be applying to jobs and hopefully get a few interviews.  I will start going to the gym or take up karate once again.  I will start writing "to do lists" more frequently.  I will try to get off my phone more and pay more attention to my kids.  I will stop talking to others about how my kids acted up and it irritated me in front of my kids like I did today.  I made the mistake my mother made with us.  It was confusing because she was so nice to my face and then to others she embarrassed me and talked about how horrible I was to gain sympathy from that other person and it made me feel bad.  Well, I did that to Sonja and hate myself for it.  I vow never to do that again when things are good, focus on the moment.  Sonja was mad and did not say good bye or look at me as she got on the bus this morning.  So, in a year from now, I hope I will not do that and that I win the love and respect of my children by not deceiving their emotions. I want to train myself to be more assertive and yet empathetic to their feelings.  I want to understand that in order for us to have a good relationship, I have to treat them like they are people with their own minds and feelings and not just an extension of myself.  That means I can not criticize them or put down their ideas and I have to watch what I say around other people and in their presence.  If I would not do it to a friend or a stranger or my husband, I should not do it to them.  I want to train myself to be more patient, relax more and start planning for our trip to Germany.

My ideal life in five years....

My ideal life in five years would be me living in a different house, perhaps in Burlington, Ontario.  I will be an ECE worker and hopefully employed within a school board and working in a kindergarten classroom. My kids will be more independent and have regular friends they hang out with.  I will be able to take either karate lessens again or dance lessons.  I will have gone to Germany for a visit and taken my kids to the caracalla swimbad, where Yoshe and I use to go when we visited Oma and Opa in Germany.  We will stay at Tante Elfrieda's house in Karlsruhe.  She may be dead at this time, but I am hoping my mom gets her house and we can come and visit her.  I would love to show my children what Baden Baden looks like and how it was a place of pure joy for me.  I want my kids to see some of the happiest moments in my childhood.  We will be comfortable and I will still be volunteering at an organization that helps new comers to Canada every now and then and I would like my kids to still be karate as well and get good grades in school and be happy.  I would hope to have a busy but happy life with my family in Burlington, where I am an ECE teacher and my husband has found another job in another company because this job is just overworking him and for what?! for nothing!!!!

List of things I want to do before I die.

GI am lately trying to do self help.  I am reading Mark Manson, My life's purpose book or pdf file.  Already in the introduction, he asks that we take 20 minutes to write a long list of things that we would like to do before we die.  Not all have them have to come true, but it is to get us brainstorming, so here it goes.

Things I would like to do before I die.

1.  Get my ECE certificate at Sheridan College by 2018
2.  Go to that skydiving place
3. Go horseback riding with the kids
4. Travel to Germany, to Baden Baden again with the kids, go to the Caracalla again but this time with my kids.
5. Get a job in the school board as an ECE worker.
6. Kiss another man to see what it feels like again, may be develop some feelings on both ends as well.
7. Learn some computer skills
8. make some new friends that will last this time, learn to connect with people by allowing myself to show and feel my vulnerability
9. Get a pedi with my daughter Sonja
10. Join once again a karate class and this time get my yellow belt
11. Explain what happened to Dan and hope that he can like me once again without judgement.
12. Take a trip with Yoshe and family
13. Go to a paint night at one of the local bars
14. Live a healthier lifestyle, more water, fruits, exercise
15. Learn to breath and relax a bit more.
16. Try to put away the phone and think about me and focus on what I want
17. Learn to dance the salsa, the mambo and swing
18. Help my kids find what their passion is and help them to achieve it
19. Grow a garden
20. Organize and declutter my place
21. Move from here to another area, maybe Burlington......
22. Communicate better with my husband and children
23. Find more time to spend time together.
24. Being able to drive on the highway and take a road trip
25. Going to Myrtle Beach again over the Christmas break
26. Giving more of myself and not worrying so much about money
27. Being able to stick up for myself and say what is on my mind.
28. Write a children's book a memoir to my kids
29. Start to paint a bit more again
30. Love myself

That is it for now.