In One Year from now.....

In a year, I will have completed the Early Childhood Education program at Sheridan College.  I will be applying to jobs and hopefully get a few interviews.  I will start going to the gym or take up karate once again.  I will start writing "to do lists" more frequently.  I will try to get off my phone more and pay more attention to my kids.  I will stop talking to others about how my kids acted up and it irritated me in front of my kids like I did today.  I made the mistake my mother made with us.  It was confusing because she was so nice to my face and then to others she embarrassed me and talked about how horrible I was to gain sympathy from that other person and it made me feel bad.  Well, I did that to Sonja and hate myself for it.  I vow never to do that again when things are good, focus on the moment.  Sonja was mad and did not say good bye or look at me as she got on the bus this morning.  So, in a year from now, I hope I will not do that and that I win the love and respect of my children by not deceiving their emotions. I want to train myself to be more assertive and yet empathetic to their feelings.  I want to understand that in order for us to have a good relationship, I have to treat them like they are people with their own minds and feelings and not just an extension of myself.  That means I can not criticize them or put down their ideas and I have to watch what I say around other people and in their presence.  If I would not do it to a friend or a stranger or my husband, I should not do it to them.  I want to train myself to be more patient, relax more and start planning for our trip to Germany.