My ADHD Child

  Markus has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.  We were afraid of him being labelled at school.  His french teachers had already started to label him.  So, we thought it would be best to get him out of the French immersion program and put him into a regular English school.  I was getting too many notes from his French teacher.  One note complained that he did not finish writing his notes in Science class, but it was taught in French.  One remark stated "he couldn't even finish writing on the computer" I did not like the "couldn't even" part of the letter.  It was almost as if the teacher forgot she was talking to the parent of her student.  She may be frustrated with this student.  But THAT student is MY child and I love him.  So, you can imagine, that did not sit well at all.  I felt it was a discouraging environment to be in.  Although, I like that the student population in that school is very small.

On Monday, week before halloween, he started going to Bruce Trails Public school with his sister.  Nearly two weeks.  He has had some struggles in adjusting.  We have had a lot of struggles at home with him fighting with us.....at just about anything. The fighting can be anything from, no tv right after school to get up in the morning and get dressed, brush your teeth etc.  These are difficult tasks for him and he gets distracted from one thing to the next.  This morning, I handed him a minecraft t-shirt to put on.  I help get Sonja dressed and when I came back, his shirt was still not on, but his mind drifted and in his mind, he was pretending he had a remote control and pretending his t-shirt was a video game with all the minecraft characters.  It was so frustrating.  Even when I said again "put that shirt on, we don't have time for this!" he replied, with a big, fat and loud "NO!" It is a daily struggle.

It breaks my heart, that he says that he is alone at recess.  At least at EW Foster, he had one friend, whom he always played with at recess.  Andrew lives down the street from us, so I told him we could still see Andrew any time.  They went trick or treating together.  I feel sad about pulling Markus away from the one friend that he had at that school.  But, I would like him to meet new people, but he struggles with making and keeping friends.  

I feel that if we support him more at home, he will be fine.  However, Tom yells at him and then expects Markus to apologize to him.  The truth is that I actually think Tom has ADHD as well, extreme moods and emotions, not thinking about what they are doing, jack of all trades, starting many jobs but never completing one, not being able to read body language or facial expressions that indicate annoyance, frustration, anger.  Tom has a hard time with being supportive and understanding. It is like I have accepted it and I know I can't ask for much in terms of support and understanding and so I feel alone.  I think Markus feels alone.  Last night, I wanted to put Markus to bed and read a book he has to for school "Thinking about ants".  Until, I heard Sonja crying.  After, we were done reading.  I told Markus that I would be right back, but I have to see why Sonja is upset.  I went to her room and she said "daddy left me alone, I don't want to be alone! he said that he would come back and he never did" I lay there with her for 10 minutes and then I told her that I have to check on Markus but I would come back in 10 minutes.  I went to check on Markus again.  We talked, he had the light on, so I turned it off again.  After 10 minutes, I told him, I have to check on Sonja.  I went to Sonja's room and she smiled at me for coming back.  I tickled her back for 5 minutes and she fell asleep.  Then, I went back to Markus and tickled his back.  

When I went downstairs to talk to Tom, he said that he did not come back because he wants them to be on their own.  I told him that he will never get their trust if he lies to them! Tom did not seem to understand the severity of what he is doing.  

Well, by morning both kids ended up in my bed.  It is a constant struggle with Markus and Tom and how he interacts with Sonja.  He can be aggressive and stand over the kids and yell with a mean and threatening look on his face to the kids and they are afraid of him.  I HAVE to interfere.  Of course, Tom complains that I interfere and I don't back him up.  But, what kind of mother would I be if I backed him up when he was being a bully?!  Now, I agree when he is mad and I agree with the reason he is mad, for example if Markus does not turn of the tv to when he is asked to come for dinner.  I quickly switch sides from Tom's side to the kids, when I see how mean Tom is with the kids, instead of parental.  This causes chaos and confusion.  My mother in law does not know that Markus has ADD and Tom does not want to tell his parents.  That makes me worry because if his parents get mad at the kids for not listening, Markus's grandpa will also say things like "I'm not going to do anything for you anymore!" and his mom will say to me "he gets away with too much, he needs a spanking!" If Tom just told his parents about ADD, they could be more understanding.  I fear we will damage that boys self esteem because we don't know what to do but insult Markus and make him feel not loved. Meanwhile, he feels like there is something wrong with him, he doesn't want to be that way but he doesn't know HOW to be another way.......

I hope someone reads this and sees that I am struggling and posts some information on ADHD and ways I can get help or ways I can help my son.  In the process, I feel guilty because I feel that I neglect Sonja.  I am lucky that they get along amazingly well with each other.  For that I am blessed, truly blessed. 

I would love to hear stories of people who are experiencing or have experienced these same issues, and what to do about it......I need to feel not alone right now.......